Funny & True Stories | NotAlwaysRight.com ([syndicated profile] notalwaysright_feed) wrote2025-11-14 10:00 pm

A Receipt Offender

Posted by Not Always Right

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My manager comes back a minute or so later and continues talking to the customer for a few minutes, until the shopping centre's security guys have arrived and walked up behind the customer.
Manager: *To the security guys.* "That's her."

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I Can Has Cheezburger? ([syndicated profile] icanhascheezburger_feed) wrote2025-11-14 01:00 pm

If I Fits I Sits - Sink Edition: 23 Hilarious and Wholesome Photos of Curled Up Cats to Wash Away Yo

Posted by Laurent Shinar

When we think of If I Fits I Sits, we usually have images of boxes stuffed full of cats, fur spilling over the edges of the box. However, cats being the clever and creative creatures that they are, have a variety of sitting locations that they like to stuff themselves into. One of them being the bathroom sink, the purrfect place to exact revenge.

For you see this sitting spot is all about blocking access to the tap, and if a pawernt were to be so bold as to use the tap anyway and release a stream of water upon their cat they would be met with an affront on their arms and hands the likes of which has never been seen. So step right up and get ready to scroll through the sweet chill sauce of cat sitting positions

Funny & True Stories | NotAlwaysRight.com ([syndicated profile] notalwaysright_feed) wrote2025-11-14 09:00 pm

Please Keep Grief Brief

Posted by Not Always Right

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For complicated reasons, I find out that my dad is dying and has a matter of days left.
Me: "I need this weekend off."
Manager: "No, that's too last-minute."

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Funny & True Stories | NotAlwaysRight.com ([syndicated profile] notalwaysright_feed) wrote2025-11-14 08:00 pm

How About ‘Ha Ha You’re Dead’?

Posted by Not Always Right

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Coworker: "Hello, this is [Coworker's Name] calling from [Funeral Home]. I got your email about the music you'd like to be playing as your mother-in-law's casket is carried in."
Pause.
Coworker: "Well, you need to understand, we'd need to hear from both you and your wife to confirm you'd like that particular piece of music played."

Read How About ‘Ha Ha You’re Dead’?

I Can Has Cheezburger? ([syndicated profile] icanhascheezburger_feed) wrote2025-11-14 12:00 pm

‘Then I felt a kick, a big one too. I look at her belly and had seen that she was in fact pregnant.’

Posted by Laurent Shinar

The Cat Distribution System has done it again, folks. And this time they have really out done themselves, like seriously we cannot quite get our heads around how the heck they pulled this one-off. For today, we get to share the tale of a pregnant cat momma who one day decided to waltz into a hoomans house and begin being all sweet and playful. Like she was begging her soon-to-be hooman to take pity on her and adopt her into his family.

A rather stark contrast to the usually scared, scratchy and sometimes angry cattos who turn up in hoomans' lives through the CDS. And to boot, they gave her a Disney princess name, only adding to the magic of the moment. This is truly one of the sweetest and most surprising stories we have come across from the Cat Distribution System, and all we can say is that we hope every cat lover could get this lucky. 

I Can Has Cheezburger? ([syndicated profile] icanhascheezburger_feed) wrote2025-11-14 11:00 am

Orange cat steps up as newly adopted kitten's step-mom, welcoming him to the feline family: ‘Finally

Posted by Ayala Sorotsky

Orange cats aren't exactly known for their strategic thinking. Internet law clearly states they share one brain cell, which gets passed around like a sacred relic - usually while they're busy sitting in sinks, falling off furniture, or yelling at walls. But every so often… an orange cat gets his turn with the brain cell. And oh boy, does he use it for good. This sweet himbo didn't just accept the rescued kitten - he became Mom. Capital M. Grooming, protecting, supervising naps, enforcing bedtime snuggles - this orange lad took his responsibility very seriously. He said "I'm not a step-mom. I'm the mom who stepped up". And honestly? We love to see it.

There's something unbelievably wholesome about older cats adopting the tiny chaos-gremlins that enter the home. A baby shows up, squeaking and wobbly, and suddenly Big Cat is running a daycare, offering tiny tutelage on important life lessons like "how to loaf", "how to yell for snacks", and "how to pounce (mostly) without falling over".

Best part? The new kitty got a clean bill of health from the vet and was properly introduced over weeks - A+ responsible hoomaning. Now the family is officially bigger, floofier, and 300% cuter. Sure, orange cats might only borrow the brain cell occasionally, but when they do, they use it to become the hero we never knew we needed: a big, loving, whiskered mom with a heart of gold and absolutely zero awareness of his own tax bracket.

Wholesome. Iconic. 10/10.

Funny & True Stories | NotAlwaysRight.com ([syndicated profile] notalwaysright_feed) wrote2025-11-14 06:55 pm

How To Be Labeled A Thief

Posted by Not Always Right

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Me: "Did you bring that to school with you today?"
Coworker: "No, I found it."
I stared blankly back at them because I was expecting them to lie.
Me: "You found it because it was mine, and I had bought it this morning."

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I Can Has Cheezburger? ([syndicated profile] icanhascheezburger_feed) wrote2025-11-14 10:00 am

26 Cute Cat Memes for Your Daily Fluffter and Laughter

Posted by Ayala Sorotsky

How unbearably adorable are cats? Oh, we're thrilled you asked - because the answer is: cat-level cute, which is scientifically proven to be off the charts. One tiny "meow" and our human souls instantly melt into emotional pudding. The second that fluffy little loaf greets us at the door, we turn into squeaky, high-pitched, lovesick weirdos. And honestly? Zero regrets. Cats are so pawddictively precious we'd happily stay stuck under a napping feline overlord for hours. Can't move, can't breathe, can't feel our legs… but it's purrfection and we accept our fate.

And don't get us started on kittens. One glance at a miniature toe bean or a baby blep and suddenly we're emotional, crying over how tiny a creature can be. Tiny paws, squeaky mews, wobbly walk - hello?? Who allowed this level of cute to exist without warning labels? Our hearts cannot take this level of cuteness by surprise.

So if your heart is ready for a daily dose of fluff, giggles, and purr therapy, you're in the right place. We've rounded up the most wholesome, adorable cat memes to bring every cat person out there a smile, squeal, and maybe mutter "I'd do anything for this cat" at least once. Prepare for pure fluff-powered happiness. Your heart has been warned.

I Can Has Cheezburger? ([syndicated profile] icanhascheezburger_feed) wrote2025-11-14 09:00 am

Lion born with unusually short legs named 'Corgi' causes zoo to be scrutinized for poor practices un

Posted by Blake Seidel

We love corgis. In fact, we love anything with short legs and big bodies…. but as much as we want to love this lion named 'Corgi', we just can't. Corgi is a lion that was born in a zoo with unusually short legs, hence their name. However, he was born this way as a result of inbreeding, which has caused the zoo to be investigated for poor breeding practices. We're all for animal welfare and conservation, but seeing as Corgi would never be able to survive in the wild with his unfortunate, yet adorable birth defect, we have a hard time calling this conservation at all.

Thankfully, his tiny legs don't affect his health, meaning that he should live a relatively normal life. As normal a life as a lion in a zoo with short legs can have, anyway.

Before we end our soapbox rant and let you get down to some cute pictures of Corgi, we must say this: lions are not pets, and no animal deserves to be created simply for entertainment. All creatures deserve to live their lives to their fullest, and as much as we hope Corgi will live a long and happy life, we seriously doubt that they will. We expect everyone, especially people who claim to care for animals and the planet we live on, to pawsitively do better.

Funny & True Stories | NotAlwaysRight.com ([syndicated profile] notalwaysright_feed) wrote2025-11-14 06:45 pm

Aisle Be Watching You, Part 3

Posted by Not Always Right

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I saw a customer enter the store two minutes before closing, and I had a strong suspicion they were going to shoplift some stuff, especially when I saw them head to the make-up section, which is our ground zero for stealing.
Me: *Approaching the customer from behind, and saying loudly.* "Hi, can I help you with anything?"

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Funny & True Stories | NotAlwaysRight.com ([syndicated profile] notalwaysright_feed) wrote2025-11-14 06:00 pm

Enflamed By The Game

Posted by Not Always Right

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Customer: "You f****** c***! I want my drink!"
Without a word, I walk two steps to a corner of the bar and slide out a whiteboard. It contains a list of all the insults we've been called by customers, with a running tally of each one. I add a line next to the c-word.
Customer: "What is that?!"

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I Can Has Cheezburger? ([syndicated profile] icanhascheezburger_feed) wrote2025-11-14 08:00 am

20 Weekly Lovable, Laugh-Out-Loud Feline Funnies From Your Local LOLcat Family Tree (November 14, 20

Posted by Blake Seidel

Meowllo, fam. You already know that it's Furiday, so get your work clothes on and get up, we've got work to do! We're taking you with us today to our LOLcat meme orchard where we pick all the finest feline memes of the week for you. You know what they say, give a purrson a meme and they laugh for a day, but teach a purrson to make a meme and they laugh for a lifetime. We may have paraphrased a bit, but you get the general idea. 

Let's start with the basics: what makes a good cat meme? A meme has only two purrfect components, but it's the nuances between the two that make a feline funny… funny. Furst, you have to start with a ridiculous cat picture. The kitty could have a pawsitively unimpressed face or an overly surprised one, or if you're going for a heartwarming vibe, you should probably choose a cute kitten that's sleeping. You want it to grab someone's attention before they even read the caption we're about to talk about. If the picture isn't enough to steal someone's focus amongst the litter box filled with other funny posts out there, then you've already lost.

Secondly, you have to write a funny caption that both works with and against the picture. It has to go with the picture enough to make sense, but it has to purrvide contrast to the picture that provides the funny. Like, the idea of a cat operating heavy machinery, or going on an all-expense-paid trip to Mardi Gras. See? You're giggling already.

Funny & True Stories | NotAlwaysRight.com ([syndicated profile] notalwaysright_feed) wrote2025-11-14 05:00 pm

Serve Looks, Not Lessons

Posted by Not Always Right

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Coworker: "It's just that one clashes with the undertone you have in your basket already. You should go for this one instead."
Customer: "Actually, I know this shade works best for me."
Coworker: "Hmm, I don’t think so. See, this one blends better for most people. And that highlighter you picked? It's like the opposite of blending."

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I Can Has Cheezburger? ([syndicated profile] icanhascheezburger_feed) wrote2025-11-14 07:00 am

'I wasn't ready for a new cat': Person who lost their soul-cat gets chosen by a beautiful tabby who

Posted by Mariel Ruvinsky

The thought of losing our cat is one of the most terrifying ones that we have. They are such integral parts of our lives. We are so emotionally connected to them. We don't know what we would do without them. And as much as we love the thought of adopting another cat someday in the future, we don't think that any of them could actually replace the one that we have now. So, we understand why the woman in this story was hesitant. We understand why, after losing her cat, she felt like she wasn't ready for another one, even a year and a half after he was gone. But the cat distribution system had other plans for her. 

The CDS knows better when you are ready and when you are not. That's why we say that cats choose their humans and not the other way around. It doesn't matter whether you feel ready or not, the cats know better. And as much as this woman did not feel ready for a new cat, this tabby knew that she was. And now, he's surrounded by all the love in the world. 

Funny & True Stories | NotAlwaysRight.com ([syndicated profile] notalwaysright_feed) wrote2025-11-14 04:30 pm

Turning The Swear Jar Into An Academic Exercise

Posted by Not Always Right

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At one point, we realised that we used a certain meme phrase to a truly absurd degree. It started ironically, but it ended up appearing in most sentences. Naturally, we decided that the best way to combat that was to completely cut it out of our lexicon, using competition!

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Funny & True Stories | NotAlwaysRight.com ([syndicated profile] notalwaysright_feed) wrote2025-11-14 04:00 pm

Nickel And Timed

Posted by Not Always Right

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Customer: "Oh, I think I have exact change.
She proceeds to dig through her bag for a moment for her glasses. She then slowly puts them on.
She proceeds to then dig through her bag for her purse. She slowly places this on the counter.
She then proceeds to slowly open the purse, and bring out the coins it contains… one… at… a… time. 

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Funny & True Stories | NotAlwaysRight.com ([syndicated profile] notalwaysright_feed) wrote2025-11-14 03:30 pm
Funny & True Stories | NotAlwaysRight.com ([syndicated profile] notalwaysright_feed) wrote2025-11-14 02:30 pm
Funny & True Stories | NotAlwaysRight.com ([syndicated profile] notalwaysright_feed) wrote2025-11-14 02:00 pm

The Truth Shall Kick You Out

Posted by Not Always Right

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Customer: "Your clerk here was beyond rude to me! She needs to be reprimanded and I need a refun—"
Me: "—Oh h*** no!"
The manager and customer both look at me, shocked at my interruption.
Me: "The clerk here was polite the entire time. This customer was a total a** and now he's a liar."

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