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The Only Things That Never Deflate Are A Customer’s Demands
Sep. 4th, 2025 07:00 am![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png){kind=small}
notalwaysright_feedRead The Only Things That Never Deflate Are A Customer’s Demands
Me: "Can you please describe the complaint?"
Customer: "It's about an order I got last week. My balloon bouquets deflated, and they ruined my grand opening!"
Me: "I’m so sorry to hear that, ma’am. Could I ask when you purchased the balloons?"
Customer: "[Date Five Days Ago]!"
Read The Only Things That Never Deflate Are A Customer’s Demands
Countdown, Meltdown, Throwdown
Sep. 4th, 2025 05:00 amnotalwaysright_feedRead Countdown, Meltdown, Throwdown
Me: "ABSOLUTELY NOT! You don't get to speak to me like that and expect me to serve you!"
Older Woman Customer: "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"
Me: "I'm VERY serious. I'm not going to help you. I was here less than a minute before you started that crap! It's not okay!"
The Somnium Files
Sep. 3rd, 2025 09:55 pmquestionable_content_feed
Pintsize and Date would get along pretty well
Looking For A Can Of Oblivious Orange
Sep. 4th, 2025 01:00 amnotalwaysright_feedRead Looking For A Can Of Oblivious Orange
By this point, all the shelves are gone. The entire building is just wooden crates and empty space. Only five of us are still working, and we’re all sitting near the back entrance, a big garage door, lifted maybe a meter for ventilation.
Suddenly, a man ducks under the half-closed garage, nods casually at us, and just walks straight inside.
23 Cattastic Memes of Cats Filling Shopping Carts and Emptying Wallets
Sep. 3rd, 2025 04:00 pmicanhascheezburger_feedEvidence suggests felines are hopelessly hooked on retail purrapy. They nap on keyboards until the exact moment a sale goes live, then pounce. Click click and purrchase. Shopping lists become whiskerlists stocked with feather wands, crinkle tunnels, sardine pillows, and twelve identical cardboard condos for "investment purrposes." Every day turns into Caturday Cyber Monday. Packages arrive, meowney vanishes, and the real prize is always the box, delivered with furime shipping straight to the throne room.
Cats adore a good catalog scroll: "Add to cat" here, "paws to pay" there, coupon code MEOW10 applied with ruthless efficiency. Their loyalty plan boasts Nine Lives Rewards and a free sparkle ball every thousand zoomies. Returns policy? Pawntless. If a toy is ignored for five minutes, it is archived under the couch until 3 a.m. when it becomes essential again.
Final tally: carts stuffed with crinkle toys, jinglers, and a "totally different" scratcher. Wardrobe rotates bow ties and bandanas; décor trends cardboard chic; budget converts to treat points. Doorbell rings, goods earn three sniffs, two zoomies, five purrs, and the packaging is promoted to MVP: Most Valuable Plaything until the next flash sale.
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Mask and You Shall Receive
Sep. 3rd, 2025 11:00 pmnotalwaysright_feedRead Mask and You Shall Receive
I work in a large clothing store, and during COVID lockdowns and restrictions, we had to deal with constant checks from COVID marshals. This meant we were frequently reminding customers to wear masks properly and to keep to the social distancing markers on the floor.
Kara-NO-ke
Sep. 3rd, 2025 10:00 pmnotalwaysright_feedRead Kara-NO-ke
We have a spineless manager who gives in to every customer request, and I do mean EVERY one. He ignores store policy every time a customer raises their voice. We have an annoying group of regular customers who have realized this and demand to speak to this manager every time they don't get their own way.
Read Kara-NO-ke
icanhascheezburger_feedPets have a way of weaving themsevles so deeply into a family that they become much more than just animals. They can be a comforting companion, a listening ear, even a best friend. Growing up, my parents' tabby cat Julia wasn't just "the cat," she was the glue that held me and my parents together. A family photo didn't look complete without her, she got her own presents on Christmas, and we even celebrated her birthday every year. The idea of losing her, especially to someone else's household, would have been totally unthinkable.
That's the very dilemma one young dad and pet pawrent finds himself in. He entrusted his beloved cat, Ella, to his sister while his wife is in the hospital during a difficult pregnancy. This was always meant to be a temporary arrangement, but when it came time to bring Ella home, his sister and her family had a surprising (and frankly impolite) request. In just a few weeks, Ella had wriggled her way into their hearts, and now they simply couldn't let go. Instead of taking this as motivation to adopt their own new fluffy family member, they actually tried to convince him to them keep her forever!
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25 Hissterical Cat Memes for Cackling with Your Coworkers
Sep. 3rd, 2025 02:00 pmicanhascheezburger_feedThe office is technically your place of work, true. But we cannot always be working all the time, sometimes we need a little levity to ease the pressure that is put on us to grind out the good stuff. And that is where funny cattos come in, with the existence of hilarious felines in your life you are offered the opportunity to relax, disassociate and clear your mind from your work for a few moments as your mind is massaged by their tiny feline paws.
And much like a massage, it is better done alongside the company of a friend, so why not help your coworkers save themselves from burnout too by gathering them around your desk of a viewing of this hissterical collection of cat memes. And if you are on a roll and want even more feline funnies, then check out this collection of cats in hats.
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20 Photos of Fluffy Foster Felines Dreaming of their Furever Homes
Sep. 3rd, 2025 01:00 pmicanhascheezburger_feedThe shelter is a dark place for any animal. It is filled with doubt and despair as with each passing day that a fluffy feline is left there, they are one step closer to meeting their end. Which is why they need all the help that they can get in order to get adopted and start their new lives in their furever homes. And today we are proud to be participating in the fine tradition of supporting cute cat children in finding their furever families, with the help of photographer u/smittensky, who went through the painstaking process of capturing this boundless beauty of these twenty shelter cats who desperately need a home.
So if you are in the market for a feline fur baby to light up your life, or you simply like imagining what it might be like to save a cute feline life, then get to scrolling.
GET YOUR WEEKLY HIT OF WHISKERED PURRFECTION - SUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTER!
Assault & Batter
Sep. 3rd, 2025 09:00 pmnotalwaysright_feedRead Assault & Batter
Customer: "Service is slow today."
Me: "I’m sorry about that, sir. We’re down a worker this morning, so it’s just me up front."
He sighs loudly, like I’ve ruined his week, and finally orders.
Read Assault & Batter
Jurassic Bark
Sep. 3rd, 2025 08:00 pmnotalwaysright_feedRead Jurassic Bark
Dog-Owning Coworker: "Look at my dog in this little T. rex mask! He wouldn't let us take it off!"
The phone makes its way around. The dog does indeed look adorable. Then—
Other Coworker: *Passing by, squints at the screen.* "Wait… are they selling dinosaurs now?"
The group at the table goes dead quiet.
Read Jurassic Bark
26 Wholesome Feline Funnies to Gently Paw at Your Funny Bone
Sep. 3rd, 2025 12:00 pmicanhascheezburger_feedCats have a special way of making life brighter, whether they're being little clowns or curling up with us for a cozy nap. They don't even have to try - just a flick of the tail or a slow blink can send us into giggles and warm our hearts. And that's the real magic of cats: they can paw at our funny bones while also filling us with pure comfort.
This collection is all about celebrating that perfect balance of silly and sweet. These wholesome feline funnies show cats in all their glory - sometimes graceful, sometimes chaotic, and always utterly lovable. From goofy expressions that make us snort-laugh to soft and gentle moments that make us say "aww", these memes remind us why cats rule our homes and our hearts.
So take a break, settle in with your whiskered overlord (or just think fondly of one), and let these feline funnies do their thing. They'll nudge at your funny bone with a gentle paw, never too harsh - just enough to make your day a little lighter. After all, the world feels a whole lot better when you let cats be the ones in charge of your laughter.
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Double Of You Is Still Less Than Half Of What I Am
Sep. 3rd, 2025 07:00 pmnotalwaysright_feedRead Double Of You Is Still Less Than Half Of What I Am
I’m working the register when a couple comes up wanting to split a purchase on one item. No big deal, it can be a bit of a headache, but it’s doable.
Me: "Alright, your total comes to $18.45. What would half of that be, so I can split it?"
The guy immediately sneers.
Customer: "You don’t know what half of $18.45 is?"
A Dairy Bad Idea
Sep. 3rd, 2025 05:55 pmnotalwaysright_feedRead A Dairy Bad Idea
One of the managers’ jobs was to check dates on food, which they frequently missed. Anything I found over the weekend, I’d remove from sale, write it off, leave the write-off receipt on the desk for the managers, and bin the items.
One of the managers decided that this was bad (for reasons) and made it a rule that only managers could write anything off or handle refunds.
Read A Dairy Bad Idea
We’d Tell Them To Noodle On It But That Requires A Brain
Sep. 3rd, 2025 05:45 pmnotalwaysright_feedRead We’d Tell Them To Noodle On It But That Requires A Brain
Customer: *Holding up a brick of ramen with a bite mark in it.* "It’s crunchy! And flavorless! I just bought it, opened it right in my car, and THIS is what I get?!"
Me: "Uh… ma’am, you’re supposed to cook it. You boil it in water and add the seasoning packet."
Customer: "Then why does it say instant?!"
Read We’d Tell Them To Noodle On It But That Requires A Brain